I'm so off centre in my life right now. In the last few months, I seem to be defining my life by the most ridiculous criteria. I've let my room become messy and fallen behind on projects and class work and extracurriculars and GAH!! So last night, after a slightly stressful scenario, I let it all go. I'm starting fresh today. Just cleaning my room (maybe reorganizing, but I don't have many options), fixing things that have bothered me and no matter what catching up on work. I figure one all nighter to get everything back on track is worth it. Though I do have swim practice at 6:30 in the morning so that's clearly not ideal.

Mmmm, and sometimes when you just stop forcing things and let things fall where they will, pretty awesome stuff happens in return :) But to talk about that now...kind of contradicts the grandiose purpose of what I just said so...another day :) I'm just gonna purr like the cat who got in the cream and enjoy my private contentment.

have decided: boys are not worth the trouble

Woo, sober now.

waking up still waaay intoxicated rocks

remembering last night doesn't though

i think i spellchecked this like 20 times before posting LOOOOOL

I'll try and remember to give details later. First LJ post in super duper long and I'm drunk LOOOL

Have you ever heard about the Six Degrees of Separation?

I just found out I'm 5 steps away from Neil Gaiman!

In a very direct way too.

I have great difficulty finding a happy medium.

I am either active online and a complete loser with no social life or barely have time to check my mail because I am so super busy. It changes without warning, and I always feel like shit because I'm neglecting friends.

School does not count as socializing in my mind either. I really want to work on this, because I want some balance in my life.

I kind of hate myself at the moment. I feel like everything is wrong around me and it's my fault and uggghhh. I want new hair and clothes and shoes. I don't like anything I have, I feel like fug. I want to change my room.

The only thing I like is the friends I got ;) I'm not worthy of them, that's all.

Still hate my friends. I don't know, I feel like they ask too much and I don't want to give that much and being social and staying good friends is way to much work but I don't wnat to be lonely and I'm not always like that. Too much of an effort to get out of the house, some days that's all. Too much to reply to facebook messages and texts and phone calls are just painful.

So why am I hurt when I'm ignored?

I'm trying to snap out of it and be cheery and talkative which haha, no one even noticed how fake and forced that shit was.

I like my cat best. He gives and rarely takes. But that's not a very fair relationship at all. Why is it so hard to be friends?

I feel like I hang out with a bunch of 6 year olds. I am seriously...dismayed? at how some people are acting, especially because I expect so much better from them.

On Wednesday, I wore a dress (with leggings) and a light cardigan. Today, I wore so many layers I could have rolled. I hate weather that can't decide what it is. Also, waking up at 3 because a tree is attacking your window is majorly uncool.

My mom had to fly out to Toronto randomly for work. I'm a little sad about that, mostly because it was unexpected.

Ugggh, I really hate my life, can it be spring break soon? I don't think I'll last two more weeks.

Having a practice when we don't have school is cruel.

Bought sweatpants, gonna try running in the mornings. Do I dare tomorrow though? Hmmm

This month has been stupid.

Drama with friends, school being horrible when it should be amazing, somehow stabilizing in swim team, and just a general case of the blahs. Ohh, and let's not forget painful personal revelations that cause hours of agonizing memories and what-ifs and what-do-I-really-wants?

Fixed it by starting shit with Russia.

Let's look forward to March.